YOU DON'T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN by Frank Palmcoast

When he's not watching, with beads of sweat, his fellow, legally blind, senior citizens parallel park, Frank Palmcoast is catching seven dollar movies at the local multiplex from sunny Pompano Beach, Florida. He's retired, he's angry at the world, he can't spell to save his life, and he hates Hollywood almost as much as Hillary Clinton, but that will not stop our irreverent, dementia fightin', AARP card carrying everyman from giving us a fresh take on all things Hollyweird. Besides, how can he pass up that marvelous senior citizen discount?

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Firstly I must say this film is a good and a bad movie. If you are a lame ass with no sense of humor, stay home. This flick is a slap stick, bathroom humored comedy with a political twist. With over 2000 years of fighting going on in the Middle East, this flick ask the question, how come we can get along in America and not in the middle East? As crude as this movie is, it's certainly better than that "Borat" piece of garbage! There were a lot of cameo by other actors and I enjoy the performances of Rob Schnieder, Shelly Berman and especially Lanie Kazan. The heart throb of Sandler, a gorgeous, outstanding looker named Emmanvelle Chiriqui was visually outstanding. Rob Schneider was a cab driving Palestinian nincompoop and Ido Mosseri as the fast talking Israeli who runs the typical, "Going Out Of Business" electronic stores that we seen for years in New York City. The bad guys aren't the Israeli's or the Palestinians but are the red necks and the white coller CEO's who are looking to displace these foreign outsiders. Believe it or not, this shameless flicks eagerness to get laughs from every possible way states that you either enjoy it or not and shamefully I found myself enjoying it most of the time. I guess there is a small part of me that loves the people who invented the whoopee cushion. This Zoran hero reminds me of Warren Beatty in "Shampoo"! The love of Pariah Carey and her feeble at temp to sing the start only, thank God, of the Star Spangled Banner, mystifies me. For me the highlight of every mans fantasy was Adam Sandlers seduction of Lainie Kazan and her nude, huge, Derriere-UGH! Sandler works as hard as Jerry Lewis ever did and all I kept thinking at the end of this picture was "bless me father for I have sinned as I laughed my ass off"!