The Story Slice: "The Fiber One Revelation"

by Brian Hughes

Breakfast Nook – Friday

Jim and Kelly were enjoying Fiber 1 cereal with 2% milk along with a fruit plate of berries, cantelope and melon. Kelly was perusing a gossip magazine, while Jim stared off in deep contemplation.

JIM
I think this cereal has really been helping me.
KELLY
Helping you?
Kelly was only half paying attention to Jim.
JIM
Yeah, you know … down there?
KELLY
Where?
JIM
You know … my ass.
This captures Kelly’s attention as she takes a swig of coffee.
KELLY
You mean, you’ve been able to go to the
bathroom better?
JIM
Yes. I must say, it’s been a real pleasure.
KELLY
I think that is what fiber is supposed to do.
JIM
I know, that’s why I bought it. I bought it
and now we are both addicted. Admit it. I rocked
your world with this stuff
KELLY
Okay … I give you full credit for brightening our
mornings with a healthy fiber alternative.
JIM
(smiling)
Nice to get credit for once around here.
KELLY
Hold on, let me get my violin.
JIM
Hahahaha … very funny.
Jim had forgotten the tranquility of a quiet house. He leaned back in his
Chair and looked up at the ceiling.
JIM
I’ve been getting goose bumps lately when I take
a crap. Did I tell you this?
KELLY
Not that I can recall.
JIM
Yeah. I get this wonderful feeling. It use
to happen every once in a while, but now it
happens all the time.
KELLY
That’s happening because you turd is passing
your prostate.
JIM
Is that so?
KELLY
Of course you idiot!
Kelly laughs as Jim drains his coffee with a smile.
JIM
And it’s such a good feeling!
KELLY
I’m happy for you darling.
Jim readies another bowl of cereal.
JIM
Then I got to wondering.
KELLY
Yeah?
JIM
Is that the same feeling gay men have when
They have sex?
KELLY
I don’t know. I imagine it is. Why are
You asking?
Jim straightens up in his chair. He looks a bit embarrassed.
JIM
It’s not what you think. I’m not gay. I hate
the sight of naked men.
KELLY
You don’t have to prove anything to me honey.
JIM
I understand that … it’s just that I wondered
what type of stimulation someone gets from that
“area”. Obviously I understand what a woman feels
when a man enters her, I just never understood what …
let me say … the receiver … got from sex in that place.
KELLY
The ass?
JIM
Yes. All I’m saying is that I think I understand
what a gay man feels from the chills I receive
from going to the bathroom.
KELLY
We can always experiment if you want? I’m game.
JIM
NO WAY. NO HOW.
KELLY
There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s a good feeling.
It doesn’t mean you’re gay.
JIM
My ass is for exiting, not entering.
KELLY
Okay … whatever … forget I mentioned it. We just
never do anything interesting sexually.
Jim picked up the daily paper and Kelly got back into her tabloids. It was quiet for a few moments.
JIM
Do you know Calum Barfield?
KELLY
Sure. He’s the guy who was the all state football
player or whatever. You two use to play pool
together.
JIM
Exactly. Well … he told me once in confidence that
he and his wife did that together. He said he loved it!
KELLY
I’m sure it’s a wonderful feeling. It’s just a feeling, Jim,
Just a feeling. Nothing else.
JIM
I guess.
KELLY
Just say it. You want anal sex.
TIMMY
What’s “anal sex” mommy?
Timmy, their six year old stood in the kitchen doorway – rubbing his eyes.
JIM
Go brush your teeth, Timmy.
Timmy sauntered out of the kitchen. Jim shook his head. Kelly cracked a smile.
KELLY
I promise you, there is nothing gay about it.
JIM
It’s such a fine feeling.
KELLY
Come on – lets try it quickly. I’m going to have to take
Timmy to school shortly.
JIM
Really? You mean it?
KELLY
Come on. Let’s be quick.
JIM
It won’t be any trouble?
KELLY
Of course not.
JIM
Thank you honey.
Kelly grabbed Jim’s hand and they sped off to their bedroom. Their new sexual life was underway.