by Brian Hughes
I don’t like to work. As a matter of fact I complain inside my head all day long about my job, extolling on why my work sucks. I wear the tired frown on Monday and the energetic grin on Friday. I constantly try and rationalize that the work I do is trivial and redundant.
Well, you know what? I have news for myself. The problem is not the job – it’s me.
I first have to ask myself why I am stuck doing what I am doing? I am doing this line of work for a variety of reasons: I have no college education (though I am in college now), I have not been trained in a skill, it was my father’s line of work, I told myself that I could not take any job seriously if it had nothing to do with art, and finally – my old reliable friend – good, old fashioned laziness.
The second question I have to ask myself is do I derive satisfaction from the job? Does it make me happy? No on both counts. There are a lot of questions I can ask now. Why do I stay in a line of work I don’t enjoy? What does “satisfaction” mean? Couldn’t I come home and be satisfied that I put in a solid eight hours of work; and from the cash I earn I can take my girlfriend out, feed and clothe myself, pay my rent, buy my girl and myself some nice things and support my writing habit. Why can’t I look at this line of work as a means to keep myself alive and well RIGHT NOW? After all, I don’t have to take this line of work home with me, which frees my mind for writing, which is the activity I am truly passionate about.
From a Buddhist perspective, I can look at my job as a means for cultivating practice. There are innumerable times in a week where I can work on mindfulness, concentration and relaxation. But instead, I run my unreal thoughts through my head all day long like a film reel out of control – bitching and moaning, bitching and moaning. And as I do this, I cultivate stress, I perhaps snap at others – all the while getting half of my work done because my head is divided between work and the constant complaining.
How can I be brought back to the present moment, instead of getting caught up in all of this delusion? I can leave post-it notes around my desk reminding me to take deep breaths and come back to now. Another good way for practicing in the workplace is using your phone as a sort of bell to snap you back to the here and now. These are little things I can practice throughout the day so that I don’t get caught up in the story of my life – which most of the time has nothing to do with reality.
The cold hard fact about my workday is that I cannot, nor should be, working on or worrying about my novel. So what am I to do? If I am present to my reality of work, then – there is no novel to worry about because there is only the work I am doing at work in the moment. When I am participating in the task at hand with my coworkers, I am free from the constant bickering and complaining that is in my head because I am too in the moment to worry about anything else. This is one of the main reasons why people get “back to work” after a stressful time, or when perhaps a loved one dies, because they know that being in the moment will take them away from the pain for a while. I have to discipline myself that my work is work and my writing is writing and that is just fine. It is when I combine them that all the unnecessary stress comes in.
Then what is the reality of my work situation? If I want to do another line of work – there is the door. No one is stopping me. If I am so unhappy, I should fine another line of work that would be more agreeable to me. This kind of work just might not be my thing. I can also be happy that I am employed and not out of work, and that I enjoy all the niceties that come with a regular paycheck. I can be grateful. I can experience the ups and downs of the work environment and recognize it as a way I can strengthen my Buddhist practice. When I meditate regularly, I notice that I find myself in harmony with everything and the discord I have withers away.
The job can stay as it is. I need to smile and continue to be more mindful and present. I need to end the war and suffering going on in my head and just sit more often. And according to Buddhism, this is the path to freedom.
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1 comment:
I suppose we have to learn to look at it like "I may not be lucky enough to have a job I love, but I'm lucky enough to have a job that let's me do the things I love."
It's hard to find that mindset every day but I remember when I was working some soul killing retail jobs I started breaking it down hourly and I'd kind of recite to myself, "This is one more hour which just paid for this, two hours have gone by, I'll now be able to do this, I've done 24 hours this week, I'll be able to afford to go to this place" etc etc -just kind of making each part of the day and week a necessary AND special one, recognizing what the money would allow me to take care of. Being as I'm a compulsive list maker, I used to jot it down in little notes too. You can even make a list at the beginning of the week of what you plan on using that paycheck for, and cross each thing off as you reach that point during your work day and week. Kind of a nice little reminder that the money DOES go somewhere other than a gaping hole, even if sometimes it doesn't feel like it.
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