Better Living Through Absurdity

This Week's Topic: If I Was Really a Nihilist, I'd Just Go Ahead and Shank You With a Rusty Spoon

I had written this for my other blog and had mentioned it to my dad who actually reads this column and so, as I hadn't posted it here and it is appropriate given the election season, I thought I'd repost it for your pleasure.

There are very few things in this world that I won't discuss.

I'm sure those of you who have talked to me for any length of time can vouch for that.

Very few...but a few nonetheless.

I refuse to debate religion and I refuse to debate politics.

Note please, I didn't say I refuse to discuss...I will happily do so, provided that the discussion is based upon the philosophies of religion or political ideologies...but beyond that, kindly shut the fuck up and go on about your existence. In many cases, I can avoid those potentially pointless spirals into incoherent raving by simply saying to people, "My religion -I don't have one" or "My political leanings -I don't have any." Much the same way that I refuse to identify my sexuality and my ethnicity, I will not give people an easily recognizable pidgeonhole merely to make them more comfortable. I'm sorry if I don't help you with "placing" me or "pegging" me -but really, that's your problem, not mine.

From time to time, some poor unfortunate takes it upon themselves to try to help me develop a "social conscience." Nevermind that I'm happy just the way I am -they feel that I'm missing something, that if they can just have a few moments of my time, I shall suddenly see the error of my ways and renounce all ambiguity in favor of margins, checked boxes and recognizable terms like "Caucasian," "Straight." or "Atheist." Lately, I've been subjected to such interventions thanks to the fact that it's an election year.

Pardon me for not giving a shit...but I don't. Whether it's student body elections or the presidential ones, 50 will get you 100 that my ass won't be in a voting booth on the appropriately designated day of the week.

Now before you get your knickers in a twist, I'll say this -do I like G.W. Bush -no. In fact if you ever seriously thought of me as that much of a lackwit, I'll thank you to take me off of your friend's list. Do I think he's done bad, reprehensible, stupid and negligent things -yeah. I'm possessed of enough logic to understand that he made more than one grievous error. Do I like the fact that we're in this war? No. I find no socially redeeming value in war whatsoever, no matter what we think we're fighting for. Does this mean that I dismiss the sacrifices that people have made for the cause -no. By no means. Are issues like welfare, housing, the economy, education, social security and the Pledge of Allegiance in school keeping me up at night -nope. That doesn't mean that I don't think there's serious problems with those administrations. I get all of this. I understand. I see where you're coming from friend, I can tell that it's important to you -which is why I'm not telling you that you're a pathetically over-optimistic dunderhead who seems to think that an exchange of one evil for what is perhaps the lesser of two, is a great bargain. However, no matter which way you turn it -the lesser of two evils -is still evil. Right there is the fundamental reason that I don't vote -I've never found a candidate that I could support completely, I've never seen a government that does what it's supposed to, or a democracy that's actually run by the people. Everything is a compromise, everything is a trade-off. For every moderate success story, there are two dozen abysmal failures. While math may not be my strong suit, even I know those are wretched odds.

The arguments are always the same: "If you don't like the system, change it" or "You have a voice -use it!" or "One vote really can make a difference"...yes thank you for the saccharine platitudes -but really, if I was going to change the system, it would involve a lot of death, destruction and chaos, if I used my voice, I'd get nothing for my trouble but a sore throat and a lot of strange looks and as for one vote making the difference...please. That's as bad as the tripe we're forced to swallow about "you can be anything you want to be" or "if you want it badly enough, you can make it happen." Sure. Sure I can. I wanted to be a mermaid with a convertible corvette. No one saw fit to tell me that there's a very limited market for such a thing, or that science had not yet found a way for me to drive the corvette underwater or with a tail. So much for that dream.

After I explained the above (with a bit more patience and a few less horrific examples) to this person from school who was trying to get me to vote for something or other and who, of course, took it upon themselves to save me from my own "majority of one" complex, I finally heard the sentence I'd been waiting for all along..."So, you're just a nihilist then."

Mmmmmm, close. But no. As I explained very calmly to this now extremely distraught soul, I believe quite simply that this world, this version/incarnation/possibility of Earth that we happen to exist on -is well and truly fucked. No god or man can change what has been done, no plan of action will magically cause all the evil in the world to turn to good and no amount of legislation, pledge drives or protesting will stop world hunger, racism, poverty, ignorance or suffering as a whole. Those things not only exist, but we've embraced them -we've made them work for our purposes, perverted them to make impressive slide shows and pie charts, and manipulated them to further other, more/less grim, causes. Do I think there is any hope for this world as it stands -no. I do not.

But...

that does not mean that I do not find beauty in this world. That I am not moved by the accomplishments and creations of people within this world. That I am not capable of appreciating such advancements and enhancements and edifying experiments as have come about through the centuries as a result of ingenuity and integrity and intellect. It does not mean that I renounce love or lust or friendship or family. It does not mean that I don't see the value to a productive life or a happy one. It does not mean that I feel that effort is wasted.

What it means is this: At some point, today, tomorrow, 50 years or 1000 years from now -the physical form I inhabit will cease to function. I will, in all mundane and normal terms -die. Expire. Pass away. And as I do know what sorts of things exist in this world that can bring one pleasure, that can enhance one's mind and body, that can broaden horizons and electrify the soul -I don't intend to waste what time I have left to me, in such form as I do occupy, worrying about the unpleasantness that government has wrought, about the inconsistencies and hypocrisies of religious doctrines, about the housing market or the gas prices or the ethics of hybrid corn and stem cell research or any of the other hundreds, thousands, millions of things that can bog down a brain and crush such spirit as we are capable of showing. It really doesn't interest me.

I prefer living. Violently, passionately, uninhibitedly, ridiculously, intelligently, exultantly, defiantly and in all things -thoroughly. In my world, I am not an inconsequential dust-mote, reduced to feeling small and helpless when contemplating greater things of man or nature. I am the prime mover, the hunter-gather, I am a force to be reckoned with -I am the fulfillment of potential, promise and possibility.

And if by saying that, you conclude that I don't care about life, liberty or the pursuit of happiness...

then please ignore the smell of gasoline on your person and hold still while I light this match.